Birth Story the Third

First of all, by far this was the fastest and easiest of the three births. It’s also the one I was the most anxious about.

Tuesday night, I hardly slept and when I did it was fitfully. We were up at 6 in the morning and headed to the hospital. My last meal had been the night before at a Greek restaurant called Mykonos that my body “evicted” before we even left the restaurant. We were supposed to get there at 7 but didn’t get up to Labor & Delivery until about 7:30 in the morning. It was 8:05 when I was in the bed with the monitors on, and the IV in with a very slow drip of Pitocin going. My doctor didn’t come in until about a quarter after 10 and at 10:25, he broke my water. I was about 4 centimeters and the Pitocin had worked beautifully even at the very low dosage. I was fine. The contractions until that point were mere blips on my radar verified by a quick glance at the monitor. Baby’s heartrate was solid. Once my water was broken the contractions intensified but this time, things were different. I had brought my Zune with me with a Soothing playlist loaded on it and I was a little more assertive about what was more comfortable for me. For instance, lying on my back was really painful but I found lying on my side was very manageable. It was strange how I reacted this time. It was a very manageable experience for me. Lying on my side, I tuned out of the room into my music. I found that if I listened to songs that I liked to sing along to, I was really able to get through the tough contractions. J was more on the same page as me this time and just knew that I wanted quiet and to be zoned out. He came over and massaged my back for me with one of those plastic massager guy thingies that has three legs? It felt great. He didn’t say a word, just let me be. Things really started intensifying when my parents came in to see me and the pain I was feeling was definitely registerting on the unmanageable side of things so I asked them to please get J so I could request an epidural. When the nurse came in, she asked about my pain and specifically if I was feeling any pressure to which I replied “Very much so.” So she told me she’d have to check me before getting the epidural and found me at 8 cm. She asked if I really wanted it which baffled me. Yes I did please because things were getting really out there. What I couldn’t figure out was she was trying to explain that the worst of the pain I was feeling was NOT the contractions but the pain of the pressure of Baby moving down– something the epidural would not alleviate. They put the epidural in at about 11:30 and sure enough while it did alleviate the contractions, the pressure was insane. I had also been shaking and at that point, the shaking intensified as did the nausea I had been fighting. This time, it was only dry heaving which was a giant relief. Not long after, I was pushing and Baby was born at 12:07 PM after three or four sets of three pushes. The nurse was awesome. I know they didn’t give me a very high dosage of pain medication because I was able to feel my legs and even move them without much help. And most importantly, I was able to really focus on pushing because I wasn’t feeling the crowning or the epistiotomy. Baby apparently had the cord around his neck loosely and he was a much bigger baby than my other two so I’m very grateful I didn’t feel the damage inflicted.¬†She was excellent at communicating with the anestheologist and helping me be comfortable. By the way, standing felt excellent too and I wished I could spend more time that way but lying sideways with my music was excellent too.

I was and still am amazed. At everything. At myself. At my body. At my husband. At our connectivity. At the nurse. At the doctor. At Baby. At the speed.

I was absolutely elated when they pronounced it a boy. I was also shocked. And excited. And overwhelmed. I held him in my arms against my chest and was so happy. After they’d cleaned him up a bit and fixed his cord and everything, they brought him back to me to nurse and it was perfect. He latched on perfectly on his first try and nursed and nursed and nursed. It was a beautiful birth– the one that told me yes this is totally possible and this body of mine works and works really well. I don’t know why, but that was important to me.

Today, my little Baby is five days old. And we took him to the doctor to make sure the jaundice was ok and everything else checked out. He’s a really wonderful HEALTHY boy. The doctor told me they expect babies to lose up to 10% of their birth weight in the first ten days and sure enough Baby was on that path because when he was discharged he weighed 7 lbs, 12 oz. Today, he weighed in at a whopping 8 lbs, 7 oz. Further evidence, for me, that this body I have been given works and it works well and it lets me create and care for my gorgeous and amazing children and for that I am insanely grateful. For that and so much more.

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The Final To-Do

Ok I keep getting sidetracked so here's my list of things that I want to get done today. I had Make the beds on here but I changed my mind. Who cares about the beds right now? I have to have priorities!

  • Pack the kids' suitcases: Almost done, pending some laundry 
  • Pick up that wretched kitchen counter (otherwise known as the dump it here spot):90% done just have to pick up some random stuff 
  • Do one load of laundry for me, J, and the kids and another one for the baby's stuff after I get it from my Mom's house later: This is now do at least TWO loads of laundry for me, J, and the kids 
  • Finish picking up the nursery because even though the baby won't be in there for a few months, people are going to want to see it: Has to wait for J. There is too much crap that has to be moved out of there and there's tons of stuff on the floor that I can't keep bending over for 
  • Maybe move the changing table into our bedroom because I can't be waking up Daughter with middle of the night diaper changes DONE
  • Breathe
  • Pack the camera, charge the Zune, pack the Zune, pack the speakers for the Zune, pack extra batteries for the camera, contemplate the video camera, pack the gifts for the kids from the baby, and the slippers that I bought yesterday. Remind J he may want to bring something like a book or what have you in case things stall (yeah, right).
  • Try not to vomit and if I HAVE to vomit try to make it to a toilet
  • Give the guest bathroom a once-over
  • Straighten out the living room
  • Take a damn belly picture!

Ok I think that'll do it. Plus I have to leave here in three hours to pick up Daughter and take her and Eldest to my Mom's house. Then J and I are going to our "Last Meal" (I'm craving Greek) and then it's back home to finish up the list. I slept in late today so I'm hoping that I will be completely exhausted and go to sleep without issue at a reasonable hour. If not, there's a perfectly good baby blanket that needs more knitting done on it. 

So, this looks like my last post for a while. This whole scheduling thing is really weird and I don't know that I like it. I know some people like to have everything scheduled just so (my hubby for instance), but this kind of thing is not working for me. I am incredibly anxious and emotional honestly. I can only think about the scary things for instance because when I think of the happy things, I start crying– a lot. I am trying very hard to relax, honest. But it's incredibly hard for me to do. I'm not even exagerrating in the slightest when I tell you that I am completely nauseous today. Maybe I need to add Relax to my list. I shall return!  

Update: This is not going well. I was supposed to leave 15 minutes ago. Now I don't know WHEN I'll get out of here but I have to be at my Mom's by 6. That'll be a 40 minute drive because I have to get Daughter on the way there. So I'll have to leave NO LATER than 5:15. 

*headdesk*

P.S. I think it's a girl

P.P.S I apologize for the million edits 

Public Announcement

June 4, my due date, is now my scheduled induction. 

In other news, Eldest is currently outside making a fine mess in the freshly rained on mulch and dirt. His dog Rolly is having an equally wonderful time playing with a giant mud puddle that formed next to the air conditioner. Child and dog are both filthy. Thankfully, I only have to bring one of them inside.

Scheduled… Again…

Had my exam today. I’ll save you all the gross stuff but the main point is my cervix is very thick and so instead of scheduling me for an induction this Friday as my doctor had originally planned, he scheduled for the due date– June 4. 

I’m all mixed up about it. It feels like my body just does NOT want to work right when it comes to labor.  

It has nothing to do, to me, about waiting anymore or whatever. I just really feel that my body doesn’t “get it” and if I were to go on my own, I am pretty sure I’d go well past 42 weeks. This sucks.

CANCELLATION

Still here with you! They cancelled the induction. My primary doctor saw they had scheduled it and called me in for an exam. He said it was too early and I hugged him. So we're back to waiting and weekly exams. I am super super super relieved. And he wants me to stay home so I'm enjoying being home and getting my nest on. Today was bathrooms. Not complete, but it's a good thorough start. I've also decided that my bedroom really needs some work so I kept flitting around from master bathroom to bedroom to kids' bathroom to hallway to staircase to kids' bathroom to bedroom to master bathroom. I think I'm ok with the kids' bathroom, but mine is still bugging me and I have to do the guest bathroom. Baby's room is getting there but isn't where it needs to be either. My bedroom is getting a lot better too. There is a full trash bag up here in the hallway sitting next to a full Goodwill bag. Oh I also packed my hospital bag kinda sorta. And today, I played with my Mother's Day present– the Wii Fit! It's so fun! Of course it's even better doing it at this point. I'm 160 pounds so they have me as Overweight. But I can really only go down here from here technically speaking. Well, maybe up a bit then down again. J and I left the kids with his parents so we both played on it and had a blast. It's hilarious. Anyhow, I hear hubby coming up the stairs so I'm going to wind down and head to bed. Nighty night.

Toying With My Emotions

I have a weird issue with doctors. Mostly, I feel completely uncomfortable talking with them, asking questions. I always feel like I should be more trusting and just acccepting. I often feel like if I say something or question something, I may be dismissed and I don't like feeling that way. I have a pride issue when dealing with doctors I guess. 

Anyways, there's been a very strange feeling in me since I went to the doctor on Friday and got word they would induce me this Thursday at 38 weeks. I was totally shocked– and totally disappointed.  I have always wanted my body to go into labor on its own. I've never had that experience and, crazy as it may sound, I really want it. So relief mixed with anxiety mixed with doubt and it's made me a mess. Yesterday, was my last day of work. Today was Eldest's last day of school. We came home and went to take naps. When I woke up, I checked my phone for missed calls (which I NEVER do) and saw the doctor's office had been trying to call me. I called them and waited forever for them to figure out who had been calling me and finally felt a huge relief when I heard it was my primary doctor who'd been trying to reach me, that he was with a patient, and would call me the second he was done. 

My primary doctor is not the one who scheduled me, but he is the one they had scheduled to do the induction. When he called, he told me he'd want me to come in tomorrow so that he could check me himself and we could plan out what would happen Thursday. I finally summoned up everything in me and asked why they had scheduled me for induction. He said that's what he wanted to know. So, we decided to leave it as is, and that I would go see him tomorrow, Wednesday, and based on the exam, we would discuss our options. I get the feeling he thinks it's too soon and I agree. 

Things happen for a reason. Do I feel like crap? Yes. But like my mom and hubby have been telling me, I have to trust my gut more and more. So maybe I will be induced Thursday, but this time if we do, I'll feel a ton better about it.

The Birth Story

I want to write this down before it all evaporates into a mist.

Monday morning, I reported to my doctor’s office at 10:45 for the NST. I was hooked up to the heart rate monitor and left alone for about 20 minutes. The nurse came in, took a look and went for the doctor so he could take a look. He came in and stood at the door watching the monitor feed slowly come out. Something bugged me about the way he just looked and looked and looked. When they took me off the monitor and I went out to the front desk he told me he wanted me to go next door to the hospital. He wanted me to get another NST and an ultrasound. He had to go home because he had been on call all night and it was a busy night but the other Doctor was there and to have him look at everything when they were done because we needed to decide on an induction date- Tuesday or Wednesday. The testing place didn’t have anything available until 2, so i went to eat lunch, hung around, and finally went next door. And I was hooked up to a much more comfy monitor- in a recliner with a television and a sweet, chatty nurse to keep me company. After half an hour (we watched Montel LOL), she unhooked me and took me to the waiting room until an ultrasound room and tech were available. At the ultrasound she let me know that things looked good but my fluid was low. Hmm. When she was done, I went back to the front desk and said I needed to find my doctor so that he could look at the reports and we could decide on an induction date. They informed me that I’d have to go back to my doctor’s office and do that there- they’d fax the report over. By now, it was about 4 and I was so tired of being there all day long and now I was worried about the fluid situation and was sure they’d have me come back the next day instead of Wednesday. I sat at my doctor’s office for 45 minutes. No report came in and the doctor didn’t stop by the office- he was at the labor and delivery floor. Finally they paged him and told him that I was still there etc etc etc. He told them to have me go back to the labor and delivery floor, walk right in, and tell them he said I had to have him paged and that he needed to speak to me. Ok. Back I went. Of course, at first, the nurses were skeptical. But they humored me and paged him and he called and they put me on the phone with him.

This is what he explained to me. He’d induce me tomorrow morning bright and early. He knew they were planning on inducing me overnight Tuesday to Wednesday but the baby’s heartrate had dropped from its regular beats of 150 to the 130s and once that started happeneing, they simply did not like to put it off any more than necessary. So he was admitting me to the hospital right now and we’d start the process that night and really get it going in the morning. Um. Ok. Wow. So I called my husband while the nurses talked to him and we were both kinda shocked and he said he was on his way over. They admitted me to a room, I was their only patient. And once I was settled in, one of the nurses explained how the night would go. At 9 that night, they’d give me cervadil- the capsule to help dilate me. At about 10 or 11, they’d give me an Ambien to help me sleep. At 6 in the morning the next day, they’d start the Pitocin. Ok.

Once, my husband got there I got to eat dinner- my last meal until Daughter would arrive. While talking to J I mentioned that I thought I was feeling contractions but nah. And my parents and his parents and Eldest dropped in to see me. When they left, the nurse came over to me and asked me, Are you feeling any contractions? I was surprised because I was feeling something but thought that the readings on the monitor were my moving around and eating and stuff. Nope, contractions. She explained that earlier she had noticed them and that I was having them every 2 -4 minutes but now they were every two minutes. She checked me and found I had dilated to 3 cm. Because I was having contractions and because they were having an effect on my cervix, they said no cervadil- they didn’t want to push me too much. So I got Ambien at about 10:30 and happily fell asleep at some point. The next morning, it was time. They put me on Pitocin at 6 and checked me about every hour. I was dilating, it was working. I was feeling the contractions pretty alright. Nothing major just painful enough to make me stop talking and focus on breathing through them. I think it was around 10 they broke my water. They asked me if I wanted an epidural because the doctor had a c-section coming up at 10:30 and if they didn’t get it to me now, I’d have to wait about an hour to get it later. I said I’d wait. And about ten minutes later things started to really intensify. I started throwing up (oh yay) and the contractions were knocking the wind out of me. I knew it’d be stupid to keep waiting so I said to please get me the epidural. Thankfully, the c-section hadn’t started and I got it right away. And it was excellent. They gave me morphine first which made me so itchy but brought instant relief. I was able to rest and relax and scratch the time away. It must have been around 45 minutes later or so but they checked me again and I was 9.5 cm already. WHOA.

Soon after the pressure started getting really intense and no surprise she was way down there. And of course, the doctor was in the c-section. No problem. I just breathed through the contractions as that is when the pressure really intensified. They told me not to push and to be sure to tell them when the urge was uncontrollable. Ok. As time went by things got harder and harder to ignore and finally the doctor was out of the c-section and we were ready. Oh yeah, there were some technical issues with my bed and the stirrups. I won’t go into it but I’ll let you know that when your baby is so low she’s about ready to just fall out and you have your legs in stirrups and they’re all freaking stuck and people are fighting with them and shaking them around, it’s not very fun. Nope. Not at all. I don’t know how long I pushed for but it was hard work. I’m pretty sure it was harder this time because with Eldest, the doctors did more to get him out faster- I got a larger cut and I think they pulled him out mostly because they detected fetal distress. This time, I felt it more. The pressure, the pain, the burning, the everything. I was shocked by it. I felt I couldn’t do it and was dying for her to get out. And out she came. At 11:51 in the morning. Sweet relief. They actually told me to give them my hands so I could finish taking her out. And I did and plopped her on my chest and toweled her off and kissed her and shook and cried and all that. It was incredible. Very different from Eldest’s delivery but really just amazing. This time, there were no NICU doctors taking her away immediately to put tubes down her throat and leaving me to watch helplessly. I got to just hold her and hold her and kiss her and cry and rub her with the blanket. The doctor fixed me up- one tiny cut this time. I saw the placenta this time. Pretty cool. The cord broke as they pulled it out so I had some more discomfort as they tried getting everything out. Finally it was time to bathe her and weigh her and measure her and all of that so she went to the nursery with J and I got cleaned up and fixed up and fell asleep for a little while.

The whole experience was really good. I just felt so much better this time from start to finish. I knew what was going on and I understood things and it felt more natural even though I did get some help to get things started and to give me relief. Amazing. It was truly amazing.