“Lonely Hearts Club” by Pink Sherbert Photography
Bit of a gloomy pic today but it’s been a gloomy weather day and a gloomy brain day. Not to mention, I’ve still got a cold hanging around me. The medicine is wearing off now and a sinus headache is settling in. Everything is irritating me including the hand cream I use but not using it means my hands and elbows get itchy (specifically my left, weird).
After work, I’m meeting up with two former co-workers. We’re supposed to get together at a Pasha’s but I honestly don’t care if we eat there or not. I’ve got the dinner delivery service and don’t really feel like spending much money. But, I figured I haven’t spent much time with girl friends in a long time and I will most likely not be able to go out at all next month so I might as well join them for a healthy nibble or whatnot and some chisme (“gossip”).
I’m not much of a social butterfly and am admittedly awful with friendships. It’s not that I don’t want them, it’s that I’m very lazy about friendships and I’m, to put it bluntly, harsh amd impatient. So I piss people off constantly and then, being as impatient as I am, I just drop them instead of working at fixing things. I like tough cookies. Tough cookies are not necessarily stubborn people by the way. Most insensitive people I’ve known have been stubborn and most tough cookies are extremely flexible. I like bendy. Bendy’s good. I’ll put up with your crap but you’d better put up with mine. Most people, though, aren’t ok with that sort of arrangement which is why I often explain old friendships away with the line “We had a falling out.” It’s worth mentioning this issue pretty much is exclusive to women. I don’t have these sorts of problems with the boys. So, I’m quite wary of girls wanting to get to know me and hang out and whatnot. I’ve been burned a billion times more by girls than guys. I have major trust issues and they’re intensely magnified when women are involved.
I’m strange, I get that.
The thing is, I’m not exactly Miss Lonely. I don’t really mind. Going places wears me out. Hanging out with people is tiring. I’m the kind of person that needs to detox after parties and get-togethers. I don’t think I always used to be like this– or maybe I was in denial. It doesn’t matter either way. I do have girl friends I can call and talk to if I have the need. The thing is, I don’t have the need often. I’ve even grown to dislike people in my private space. I cringe when my Mom comes by because she inevitably picks things up and rearranges my piles and I lose things. My main mission as far as organizing is to get to the point where my Mom goes nuts when she comes to my house because she has nothing to do and has to sit still. But, today I’m feeling the inclination so when it was suggested we get together, I acquiesced.
Ex officially told me I wouldn’t get another dime this month. The earliest I’d see the remainder of January’s child support would be next week. And then he said I’d get February in full in the middle of the month. But I don’t believe him because, well I have no reason to do so. My guess is I’ll continue seeing these paltry payments the next few months. I don’t think he’s withholding money from me. I don’t think he’s that malicious (he COULD be asking for his commission under the table but I doubt it). I just think he’s making little to nothing at his job (mostly commission-based) and has probably done little to nothing to curb his spending habits. So, there’s nothing really for him to give. My mother sneered the other day it’d be great if he moved in with his girlfriend because at least maybe that way he’d actually pay on time and in full. I’m honestly nauseated with the whole damn thing and am trying hard to not kick myself for not moving on this divorce months ago. Time is money folks. Always is, don’t kid yourselves.
Because I’m pretty sure my income will be in the pits again next month, I’ve decided to force myself to join Sharon for a February No Spend month. I’m not sure what her rules are but I’m pretty sure it’ll be something like slash spending to the bone for one month and stick it out. I don’t really have a choice and this will help me stay controlled should Ex actually deliver on his promises. That money would easily fix my mini Emergency Fund and give my Debt Snowball a good kickstart after hibernating the past couple of months. When income shortages hit, I don’t use credit, but I do use my snowball payment to make up the slack.
Boy am I in the dumps. And of course, I want to shop. I want to buy my son Percy Jackson & the Lightning Thief because he read the book (he’s 7!). And I want to buy myself lots of funDS games and some books that I’ve decided should be part of my permanent collection. I want to buy a file cabinet for my home office and a fancy shelving system for my hall closet. I want, I want, I want. I guess it’s good I think about wants, at least that means my needs are met.