Somehow, I lost it. “It”? Drive. Purpose. Energy. Ambition. You know, things you have when you’re working towards achieving goals. And therein lies the problem. I don’t think I’ve lost “it” I think I’ve lost my goals. You know what I’m talking about don’t you? That moment where you wonder what you’re doing with your life, what the point of it is, what five years is going to look like and oh god, twenty. You know, when you review your activities for the past week/month/year and yikes that’s kind of… mediocre.
I don’t think this sort of thing plagues everyone. I’m pretty sure lots of people strive for mediocrity. Lots of people really work hard to have good stable solid mediocre lives and even though I think mediocre has a negative connotation to it, I don’t feel it’s a bad thing to have a mediocre life– except it’s not the life I want to lead.
I want to expand and swell until I’m just too large for this life and that’s when it’s ok to go. Does that make sense? I want my kids to admire me. I want my grandkids (Oh, they’ll happen. With three kids I’m bound to have at least ONE) to be fascinated by me. I want to be the one that sends the cards that everyone likes to read because they are so interesting! And it’s not because I want to show off it’s because I can’t stand still– mentally, emotionally, even spiritually.
Part of the problem with going forth and charging through life leaving interestingness everywhere in my path, is the same reason I have the desire to do so– I can’t stand still. There are 104 days left in 2010. 104! What happened to the 261 others? Well they went past. Don’t get me wrong, I am well aware that I have hardly gone through this year with a meek attitude letting life just happen. I’ve accomplished things this year. But, for one I’m not even really sure what I accomplished because well, I didn’t have much in mind other than to have a new job before the year started (check!). And I did get that haircut I’ve been fiending for and went with a piercing instead of a tattoo. Oh and I did that garage sale and got rid of ExMutant’s crap. Oh and I fixed my license. And I did manage to travel– to New York and then to Disney World with the kids (something I’ve been wanting to do for a couple of years). I’ve been reading a lot of books in my goal to read 26 this year. Maybe I won’t hit 26 but I might come close. Maybe I won’t get all the authors in the alphabet either, but I might come close.
Interesting sidebar on the reading project: I am having a vicious time reading a book whose author’s last name begins with J. In an ironic twist, I finally settled on Carl Jung’s memoirs only to become frustrated with it a few chapters in and putting it aside too. So where’s the irony? Well ExMutant’s name begins with J. Yeah, I think Carl’s cracking up about it too.
I’m not a naturally organized person. I want to be and I try to be, I swear it, but it just never happens. And the only thing I can think of, the only thing that just makes sense for me is that I’m allergic to setting goals. I try. And fail. It just slides away. But what’s a life without goals? A wandering aimless mess, that’s what. So, riding on the current gumption that’s been flowing through me the past 24 hours or so, I’m setting a goal. By this time next week I will be presenting you, darling blogosphere, with goals. I will invoke the power of J.D. once again and I will make my goals SMART goals.
A good goal is a SMART goal. That is, a smart goal is Specific (the goal is not nebulous, but indicates precisely what you intend to do), Measurable (the goal is quantifiable instead of vague), Achievable (the goal makes you stretch, but is not impossible to reach), Relevant (the goal is meaningful to you and your situation), and Timed (the goal has a specific time by which you intend to complete it).
So there we have it, Goal One:
Create goals (specific) to share with the blogosphere (measurable) despite the fact I don’t like thinking about them (achievable) but desire a richer life with purpose (relevant); goals will be posted in one week (timed).