Gloomy day today. It is really difficult to have a sunshiney day when you're exhausted and your toddler is with a cold. I realize this is one of those dull insights that are stupidly obvious but I feel like I have to explain it to myself.
I went to sleep late last night with Baby. I can't help it, I sleep fitfully with him in close proximity. And when I woke up it was to poor Daughter putting up a major fight against J and I could tell she was miserable. So I told him to forget it, she shouldn't go to school like that the poor girl. So that was a twist I hadn't counted on. Eldest was over at my mom's again so he could go to Summer Camp. But he's missed us so he's home tonight and Daughter is at my mother-in-law's. I think maybe at one time, I would have felt incredibly guilty not having my children with me during this valuable time at home. Instead, I'm seeing it more of a question of survival.
I didn't want to do a DAMN thing today. I tried to spend as much time as I could in the bed or strewn on the couches finishing off Sex with Kings. It's an excellent "light and fun" read. Good for poolsides and beaches and as an antidepressant.
The weather was a miserable stormy mess which only heightened my overall funk and dampened any spark of energy. I mean, Jay even took all three kids to his mom's when he came home from work and I even got to the car to take myself somewhere, anywhere. And when I turned the car on, the needle was way below the E and the light was beaming. So I gave up and shut myself in, ordered some major comfort Cuban food and put on Big Fish so I'd have some sort of reason to cry a lot. I even knit a couple of inches on the kimono sweater but I haven't picked it up since I threw it on the floor when a giant roach crawled out from under a couch and headed towards the baby's play mat. Thankfully, I was quick enough to grab the can of roach killer and got it good. I now have a major case of the heebie jeebies.
I found New Moon so now I have something to read again although I spent some time browsing Amazon and piling my wish list high with biographies of kings and mistresses and queens and princes and princesses. Right now, I'm brooding over what to do next. I feel like I should go into the kitchen and empty the dishwasher but a VERY stubborn part of me is really against that as is the very exhausted part. Then there's the part that wants to keep knitting because I am now past my goal for this sweater which was two weeks. And then there's the one that keeps looking at the copy of New Moon but just as quickly averts the eyes because let's face it, when I get pulled into a book (every freaking time) I'm annoying to pull out.
Tomorrow I have to pick up my contact lens at the optometrist. I can also do any (or none) of the following:
1. Pick up Daughter's portraits at Sears
2. Return the long lost but now is found library book
3. Clean the dining table and the sliding glass doors
4. Continue working on the kitchen counter
5. Dust the living room furniture
I have to remember that Eldest chose to stay home over going to a very fun day at Summer Camp so I want to spend special time with him. Maybe we can color together. We did that this weekend and I had a great time. We also have to fix one of his Nerf bullets. He might have fun playing the Wii Fit again too. Maybe if I'm busy enough, I won't notice the gloom in my gut.