I got the Zune Pass the other day. Today I've been downloading songs from my "freedom days" as I refer to the very brief and overly chaotic space in time of 1999 – 2002. It was only 1,095 days in my life of almost 10,220. But time is relative isn't it? A lot happens in three years. Or at least, a lot CAN happen in three years. I hesitate to say I grew up a lot in those three small years because when I look on it now it doesn't feel like growing up it feels more like experiences. So I guess I could say I experienced a lot in those three years. And that makes more sense. I was determined to pack every day with experiences. I needed to test every theory, thought, commandment, boundary as quickly as possible it seems now. I felt like I could not get enough of life. It was as if I was addicted to living and just kept begging for more of it all. Of course, you don't want the bad things but you just shove those into the dark corners and keep begging for more when you're going through one of those passions. But back to music.
One thing that has struck me is that I haven't heard some of this music in ages. A lot of the albums were lost along the many moves and travels and the songs forgotten. But things have rekindled them in my brain and I've downloaded the ones I can and I turn them on and the words just flow out of me without even trying. Like the album "Bitter" by Meshell Ndegeocello. That album still moves my soul. It rocks me, floors me. How could I let that one go? And where exactly did it go? What else is locked in that cabinet? I try and stretch the fingers of my memory in there to see what else it can dig up. I pulled a couple other ones– Guru's Jazzmatazz Street Soul which reminds me so much of the beginning of J and my relationship. I played that album incessantly as I drove him around the city (he had no license at the time). But it wasn't the only thing we listened to and yet it's the only one I've brushed into.
And what about California? I remember Jill Scott and Erykah Badu which I've never let go of. There was the Gorillaz too which reminds me I've lost the old album and so it's being downloaded too. My other complication is how those three years melt in and out of each other. I worked for one company, worked for a company in california, and then came back to my old job. It's hard to separate it all.
It's strange how music creates insane fuses. There are some songs or entire albums that remind me of particular people every single time it hits the eardrums. Some times, it's even exact blurs in time or essences of a memory.
With my little ones, I've had a few music connections too. Of course there are all of the love songs that work so well when you're thinking of your children, but there's other ones too. Like with Eldest and Telepopmusiek's "Breathe" that would play on repeat in his room while he cried to sleep when we were transitioning to the crib. And then later it was Fat Joe's "Lean Back" that he was so amused by and loved dancing to. And then it was Three Six Mafia's "Stay Fly" that entertained him to no end ( I still hear his tiny voice going fly-y-y-y-y-y-y-y). And now with Daughter, who loves music so insanely much. She loves to sing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" all on her own without hardly a provocation. And she can listen to Rhianna's "Umbrella" a thousand times and enjoy it as much every play.
I think I'm going to sit awash in memories for a bit. Memories and music.