I am feeling all over the place today. I want to get moving and shaking and get things going here again. I want to relax and do aboslutely nothing. I am really excited about the doctor tomorrow. I am really dreading the doctor tomorrow.
Just a week ago, I was in a state of panic. So many things that needed to get done and such precious little time for it. And now, the momentum comes and goes. I have gone from “This baby is going to be here RIGHT NOW” to “I have at least another two weeks for sure.” A lot of the house things that were on last week’s list remain there. I find myself having to fight the whole resentment against the husband thing a lot lately too. Like this morning when I came down for breakfast and couldn’t find a clean spoon in the house and found the dishwasher half empty and the sink full and ants invadeing the dishwasher and not one damn clean spoon. We’ve always had this arrangement that the kitchen was his baby. He is the one who uses it the most, he keeps it clean, etc. Lately, I have found myself loading the dishwasher and running it more. Which is dumb but the counters are filthy too. And so’s the floor. And the cabinet doors. And yesterday when he was injecting a chicken with some marinade and splattered it everywhere, he just swiped at it with a disgusting sponge. This is definitely reinforcing that I can’t be a SAHM again. I don’t want to be the one maintaining the house. Not by myself.
I’m suddenly really sleepy.
Last night, I had these really painful goings on for a couple of minutes. Am I the only one that has a hard time distinguishing between painful baby movements and contractions? Are there other things going on? I’m terrible at being pregnant. I never know wtf is going on. I’m the kind of prego that stares at her moving stomach in horror and pokes at angular shapes and goes “EW! What is that!?!?!” In other words, awesomeness.
Ok I think it’s time to do SOMETHING around here. Even if it is just rounding up trash. Some times I feel like a SIM.