Toying With My Emotions

I have a weird issue with doctors. Mostly, I feel completely uncomfortable talking with them, asking questions. I always feel like I should be more trusting and just acccepting. I often feel like if I say something or question something, I may be dismissed and I don't like feeling that way. I have a pride issue when dealing with doctors I guess. 

Anyways, there's been a very strange feeling in me since I went to the doctor on Friday and got word they would induce me this Thursday at 38 weeks. I was totally shocked– and totally disappointed.  I have always wanted my body to go into labor on its own. I've never had that experience and, crazy as it may sound, I really want it. So relief mixed with anxiety mixed with doubt and it's made me a mess. Yesterday, was my last day of work. Today was Eldest's last day of school. We came home and went to take naps. When I woke up, I checked my phone for missed calls (which I NEVER do) and saw the doctor's office had been trying to call me. I called them and waited forever for them to figure out who had been calling me and finally felt a huge relief when I heard it was my primary doctor who'd been trying to reach me, that he was with a patient, and would call me the second he was done. 

My primary doctor is not the one who scheduled me, but he is the one they had scheduled to do the induction. When he called, he told me he'd want me to come in tomorrow so that he could check me himself and we could plan out what would happen Thursday. I finally summoned up everything in me and asked why they had scheduled me for induction. He said that's what he wanted to know. So, we decided to leave it as is, and that I would go see him tomorrow, Wednesday, and based on the exam, we would discuss our options. I get the feeling he thinks it's too soon and I agree. 

Things happen for a reason. Do I feel like crap? Yes. But like my mom and hubby have been telling me, I have to trust my gut more and more. So maybe I will be induced Thursday, but this time if we do, I'll feel a ton better about it.


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