Hi

Hmm a few ways this can go I guess.

It's September 11 today. Sad. Frustrationg. Five years. FIVE years. Where were you? Let me tell you about me.

Five years ago today I was living in a one bedroom apartment on Russell Street in Berkeley, CA. I shared the apartment with my then boyfriend and our two cats– Pharohe and Rajah. At this point my awesome telecomm job had vanished and I was scraping money together working at the Wet Seal on Telegraph by UC Berkeley. It was early in the morning when the phone began to ring. I ignored it and kept sleeping. Matt had to go to work early that day so the alarm went off. We had a radio alarm clock. It came on and someone was talking. I thought I heard something about buildings falling but I wasn't sure. I wondered if there'd been an earthquake or something. I turned it off and he started getting ready for work. The phone kept ringing. I finally got out of bed and picked it up. My family had been trying to get a hold of me. They didn't want me going into the city because of what had happened. I was out of it and put on the TV and was horrified. It turns out that I had a journal back then. A gorgeous large spiral sketch book. I wrote an entry that day. Here it is:

September 11, 2001

The media has called it Pearl Harbor 2. The twin towers in New York have been toppled to the ground by two commercial jets. Another plane has crashed into the Pentagon. Another plane has fallen from the sky and there's another unconfirmed crash. [This turned out to be an error, remember that?] Some are saying we're at war. San Francisco is tense as is my family back [home].

More than concern for safety is shock and sadness. The collapse of the first twin tower is on camera. As is the second plane crashing into the second tower as well as its collapse. I've never felt so chilled. The disintegration is creepy and something I can't grasp.

/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/

Over and over again I've watched endless footage. I feel as long as I'm close to a TV screen with the news on I'm somehow safer. I'm trying to really get this thing and I can't. I feel as if I've been pulled into a movie as an extra. None of this is possible to me.

I hate today. I just want my family.

I could go off here. I could go off about how in five years we have nothing to show for those towers for those people. How did we manage to lose sight of that demon? How can we as a people not be storming the white house demanding his head on a platter? It's been FIVE YEARS. I thankfully didn't lose anyone in those attacks but my heart positively aches for those who did. It's a lot like my feelings about Katrina. It's embarrassing to me. I want to give them what they want and what they want is that bastard's head on a platter and we're too busy making life hell for Iraqis and our soldiers and their families. And I could continue to go off here. I can. But I won't. Instead I'm going to move on right now.

My friend Ginny set up a playgroup date today so that we could allow ourselves a distraction. I'm glad she did. Ginny's from NY. I'm pretty sure she knew people affected by the attack. I can't blame her for not wanting to dwell on what today means. So we're heading over there at three for some playtime. In other completely mundane news, I got out of the house yesterday with Daughter. Picked up a memory card for my new camera and one for my phone. I also picked up some fabric and some foam core and velcro for displays for merchandise. And speaking of merchandise, it's official, I am getting Decole. A LOT OF DECOLE. I love Decole. I plan on ordering by Wednesday the latest. Oh and by the way, I'm thinking of adding a children's section to my store. Cram Cream and Decole make some really cute and really gorgeous respectively toys and accessories for children. I know there are lots of cool mommies out there so I think there might be interest in this kind of stuff. What do you think? Also, any thoughts on clothing? There are some really cute tees I'm looking at as well.

Also, I sewed something!! Actually. I first sewed a dress for Daughter which I completely screwed up and had to give up on. But then I tried sewing Hilary's Wee Bunny and well it's not perfect but it's there. I did it with Coloriffic in mind but I dunno. I don't think I want to send it to someone because it's so not well you know good.

Also while out and about yesterday I picked up a top from the Paul & Joe collection at Target. It's SO soft. I can't wait to get the chance to wear it!

Somehow I forgot to post this. Oh well. I'll just post now.

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